Things I Learned from the Internet

Facebook and Twitter have taught me many useful things in life. For example:

1. President Obama was the root of all evil.

2. The best way to express my views is to blindly copy everything I see on the internet which I agree with and share with all my “friends” before fact checking.

3. All comments made on any subject supported by someone else should be negative.

4. Donald Trump is the root of all evil.

5. The only opinions which matter are mine.

6. Cats are amazingly cute and fascinating. We should bow to them as our masters.

7. Hillary Clinton is the root of all evil.

8. All problems in the world would cease if we had more guns.

9. Sasquatch is real.

10. All problems in the world would cease if we got rid of all guns.

11. Bernie Sanders is the root of all evil.

12. Socialized medicine is the root of all evil. Unless it’s medicare or medicaid, then it’s a pretty good deal and hands off!

13. Ted Cruz is the root of all evil.

14.  (Insert the name of a recently deceased celebrity here) was the greatest person who ever lived.

15. Sasquatch is fake – but UFOs, those are real!

16. All movies are horrible pieces of trash and a waste of time and money.

17. Despite number 16 most movies that are “horrible pieces of trash” break box office records.

18. When in doubt about items 4, 7, 11, and 13 see item 1.

19. (Insert the name of a recently deceased celebrity here) was a fraud and should not be honored just because s/he passed away.

20. All major “mainstream” news outlets produce fake news and push a liberal, leftist agenda.

21. The exception to item 20 is Fox News. Which despite having higher ratings than most mainstream news outlets is agenda free and not part of “mainstream.”

22. The only facts which are facts are those that I say are facts – regardless of the scientific methodology used to determine other facts.

23. Lists of opinions are as good as facts.

24. Sasquatch and UFOs are fake – but roads can be fixed by cutting taxes!

25. Seriously, people really like cats.

26. No one knows whose picture is on any given piece of U.S. currency but by God don’t change it!

27. It is a confirmed fact that this list is the best list of its kind. There is no better list so you can stop looking now. Really, I mean it, this is the best list and not fake in anyway.