Things I Learned from the Internet

Facebook and Twitter have taught me many useful things in life. For example:

1. President Obama was the root of all evil.

2. The best way to express my views is to blindly copy everything I see on the internet which I agree with and share with all my “friends” before fact checking.

3. All comments made on any subject supported by someone else should be negative.

4. Donald Trump is the root of all evil.

5. The only opinions which matter are mine.

6. Cats are amazingly cute and fascinating. We should bow to them as our masters.

7. Hillary Clinton is the root of all evil.

8. All problems in the world would cease if we had more guns.

9. Sasquatch is real.

10. All problems in the world would cease if we got rid of all guns.

11. Bernie Sanders is the root of all evil.

12. Socialized medicine is the root of all evil. Unless it’s medicare or medicaid, then it’s a pretty good deal and hands off!

13. Ted Cruz is the root of all evil.

14.  (Insert the name of a recently deceased celebrity here) was the greatest person who ever lived.

15. Sasquatch is fake – but UFOs, those are real!

16. All movies are horrible pieces of trash and a waste of time and money.

17. Despite number 16 most movies that are “horrible pieces of trash” break box office records.

18. When in doubt about items 4, 7, 11, and 13 see item 1.

19. (Insert the name of a recently deceased celebrity here) was a fraud and should not be honored just because s/he passed away.

20. All major “mainstream” news outlets produce fake news and push a liberal, leftist agenda.

21. The exception to item 20 is Fox News. Which despite having higher ratings than most mainstream news outlets is agenda free and not part of “mainstream.”

22. The only facts which are facts are those that I say are facts – regardless of the scientific methodology used to determine other facts.

23. Lists of opinions are as good as facts.

24. Sasquatch and UFOs are fake – but roads can be fixed by cutting taxes!

25. Seriously, people really like cats.

26. No one knows whose picture is on any given piece of U.S. currency but by God don’t change it!

27. It is a confirmed fact that this list is the best list of its kind. There is no better list so you can stop looking now. Really, I mean it, this is the best list and not fake in anyway.

Onward!

 

 

 

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Life Along the Recycling Center Route

So as I’m pulling out of my drive to go to work this morning I see a large box lying in my yard from Bodybuilding.com. My first thought was that perhaps it fell off a delivery truck or that maybe Santa just missed my chimney.  But no, it was empty so I’m sure it came out of the back of someone’s pickup as they headed to the recycling bins. There was also half a sleeve of raisin bagels lying nearby. Upon further inspection I also found an unopened sample size of some Cellucor pre-workout – score!

Because of this discovery I’ve learned some important lessons today (and a couple not so important):

  1. Roadkill bagels taste better than store bought bagels.
  2. Don’t mix pre-workout with Diet Coke.
  3. If you do mix pre-workout with Diet Coke it turns out that you can type up to 150 words per minute (my keyboard is starting to melt).
  4. Based on the size of the box someone in my town is trying to get jacked up to Hulk like proportions. Let’s hope he, or she, has only good intentions for their new found strength.
  5. If you are going to the recycle center you should really make sure that all your boxes are properly secured in the back of your pick up. At least I hope the box wasn’t just tossed out the window…

Okay, so maybe I really didn’t eat the bagels or take the pre-workout. However, I’ve been toying with the idea of adding back some protein supplement into my diet and maybe trying a pre-workout again. So I’ll take today’s finding as a sign from the universe. I happen to have some sample packs that I have never used and should still be good (I’ll check the expiration dates first of course). I’ve never been a big fan of supplements but think that they do have their place. In the past pre-workouts have left me a little too jittery so I’ll be trying things slowly. I’ll let you all know how it goes.

By the way, a quick update on my Crohn’s – everything is still going well with the Humira. I’ve had some mild digestive “upset” here and there, but nothing that could not also be from normal indigestion/heart burn. I’m getting stronger from my workouts and except for the usual aches and pains of middle age feeling pretty darn good.

Onward!

P.S. – Please don’t eat bagels found along side the road!